† RIP Renfield #501 – MEMORIAL DAY †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger…
come visit, we can trade ‘adds’ as friend at…

www.MySpace.com/RIPRenfield

or for email subscriptions, or to contact me…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield #501 - MEMORIAL DAY †
May 23, 2009

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MEMORIAL  DAY…
THANKS GUYS FOR YOUR SACRIFICE !!!
The guy in line behind me at the 7-11 was a senior citizen veteran.
He spoke of Viet Nam and being a Navy seal…
(there’s a veteran’s hospital-home nearby me)

I WAS GLAD (his chest ‘puffed up’ a bit too)
WHEN I REMEMBERED TO THANK HIM FOR HIS SERVICE !!!
(it should be done more often by all of us)

 Actually, the theme for this issue will run more towards women…
(afterall, what are you fighting for ?)

WOW…
and not just for the ‘nice tits’…
THAT 5OOth RIP Issue was so well received…
I’m thinking of calling this issue…
ISSUE #600 !!!

Thanks to everyone for all the kind words…
they mean alot to me…
As long as I’m not making any money at this,
it’s the next best thing !!!

THANK YOU
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TOO MUCH CELEBRATION LAST WEEK
FOR THE 500th ISSUE of RIP Renfield…
so I’ll just be ’slapping-together’ something THIS week…

You should have really expected a let-down
after the ’stellar’ issue last week…

_____________________

R.I.P
Harriet Quimby

 
Harriet Quimby (May 11, 1875 – July 1, 1912)
 was the first female to get a pilot license in the United States.
In 1911, she earned the first US pilot’s certificate
 issued to a woman by the Aero Club of America,
and less than a year later flew across the English Channel,
the first woman to do so.
Although Quimby lived only to age 37,
she had a major impact on women’s roles in aviation.

_______________________

We are the people our parents warned us about.
  – Jimmy Buffett

When they call the roll in the Senate,
the Senators do not know whether to answer
‘Present’ or ‘Not guilty.’
  – Theodore Roosevelt

_______________

Michelle Obama
charged graduating students at commencement to
GIVE BACK ?
Whoa… wrong THEME !!!
Isn’t that ‘tack’ not quite right for these days ?
I’d have to say.. out of touch !

Give back what ?
More of their parents money ? 
That well is drying up…
Doesn’t the student have to ‘make-it’ first ?
and with the state of the economy,
job prospects have to be horrible
for the newly graduated !!!

I have a feeling the grads will be thrilled
if there’s enough for them to survive on…
and not have to ‘glom’ off their parents to survive !

AS SOON AS THERE’S EXCESS AGAIN…
I’M THE FIRST ONE TO WANT TO GIVE BACK…
UNTIL THEN ?
I’m one others should be ‘giving back’ too !!!

______________________

I heard someone reference…
BOBBY PINS
(hair pins)

It ‘hit’ my ears as odd…
AND IT GOT ME WONDERING…
ARE THEY STILL USED ?
I haven’t seen one on a girl’s head for ages…
I’ve seen other ‘devices’ used on hair…
barrettes, scrunchies, etc…
BUT THE TRADITIONAL BOBBY PIN ?
NOPE !!!

I bought a ‘card’ of bobby pins decades ago…

(still have half left.. just sitting in the medicine cabinet)

But I had them for a non-hair use…

I MENTIONED THIS (very common in my circles) USE
TO A COUPLE OF FEMALE CO-WORKERS
AND THEY LOOKED AT ME TOTALLY BEWILDERED
BY MY ‘UNIQUE’ USE…

Somewhere I heard that
you can use the rounded, closed end
to ‘excise’ blackheads, or juicy pimples !

INSTEAD OF THIS…

Surround the imbedded obstacle inside the loop
and push down… the force is equal from all directions…
and ‘pushes’ the center (and the offending zit) out !
CLEANER AND WITH ALOT LESS EFFORT !

Like I said.. I still have half the ‘card’ of pins left…
I’ve needed them.. but not all that often…
(and not recently)

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the 500th RIP ISSUE ?

HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND ?
I was asked that at work the monday
after the 500th RIP issue…
and told them that it was great,
 I had a BIG anniversary !!!

“HOW MANY YEARS ?”
I answered… NOT YEARS… ISSUES…
500 RIP Renfield issues !!!

” Oh.. I thought it was your wedding anniversary…”

and I replied…
” OH.. IT WAS MY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TOO… ”
and went right back to talking about the RIP one…
THE IMPORTANT ONE !!!

______________

COUGAR…

I thought I knew what this slang term meant…
but some idiot (on his website)
started a COUGAR HALL OF FAME…
(voting older women in… and you can be voted out)
but he bases cougar-ness on looks..
and how well the woman has held up !
(she goes to hell later, she’s out)

HE MIS-NAMED WHAT HIS SITE IS ALL ABOUT !!!
THAT’S NOT A COUGAR !!!

That’s a   HO-BILF
(hot-old-broad-i’d-like-to-fuck)

I always thought ‘cougar’ meant
an ‘older’ woman who pursues young men.
(much younger, ala ‘toy boy’)

Whereas RACHEL WELCH
COULD be a cougar…
she’s NOT if she only desires relationships
 with men closer to her in age,
or is in a committed relationship, or is celibate.
NO MATTER WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE !

COUGARS ARE ON-THE-PROWL !!!
Not just well preserved attractive older women !
GOOD LOOKS ARE NOT NECESSARILY NEEDED…
(the tv reality show is not hitting the mark using a beauty)

If an older woman has money, fame, postition, or power…
She can probably attract a young ‘plaything’ !
LOOKS AREN’T THE ONLY ATTRACTION !!!

If she had a mind to…
I’m sure actress (and more) Elaine Stritch
could get herself a young man with little trouble…
(and she doesn’t have ‘young’, classic attractiveness)

But she’s a ‘pisser’ of a salty, old broad…
got a ‘mouth’ on her… and dated Brando…
I wouldn’t mind ’squiring’ her myself…

The website guy is trying to make ‘cougar’
a male term, objectifying women !
As a woman’s view term…?
IT’S A TERM OF POWER…
VERY COMPLIMENTARY…
LIKE CALLING A MAN A ‘PLAYER’ !!!

(looking from a distance)
Guys don’t get to say who’s a cougar…
The woman ‘defines it’ by her actions !

NORMA DESMOND (sunset blvd)
absolutely a COUGAR…

AND A CASE CAN BE MADE FOR…
 Mary Kay Letourneau (Laterno)
COUGAR DELUXE !!!
Mid-30’s and banging a 12 year old boy !!!

Sick & criminal of course…
but speaking as a guy who was once a horny kid…
I’m reminded of what CHRIS ROCK said about OJ…
(watching another guy with your ex.. driving YOUR car)

” IT’S WRONG… I DON’T APPROVE…
BUT I UNDERSTAND !!! ”
(from the male point-of-view)

and I don’t care what they claim studies show…
Banging a hot teacher when in high school ?
I’d consider myself lucky, not abused,
and think I it would have a positive effect on me…
BUT THAT’S JUST ME !!!
(probably why women teacher offenders
 aren’t punished as harshly as men.)

_______________
   
 

I was having fun
playing MY ‘game again…
YOU SHOULD TRY IT…

When you come to an intersection,
come to a complete stop for the stop sign…
don’t crowd the middle of the road,
but DO NOT let your car pass
 the painted stop line on the road…

The approaching car on the other street,
wanting to turn to the street you are on…
(having to cross in front of you)…

MORE TIMES THAN NOT…
Will slow in confusion…
being so used to ‘cutting-the-corner’
and using both lanes to make their turn…
THEY LITERALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO !!!
They’ll give you plenty of time to get out of THEIR way…
but I’ll just take my hands off the steering wheel…
perhaps fiddle with the radio…
AND WAITING FOR THEM TO FIGURE IT OUT !

Even when they decide to make their turn…
it’ll be way too close to your car…
and they’ll probably shoot-you-a-look…
like YOU are the one who doesn’t know how to drive !

GOD FORBID THEY HIT YOU…
AND YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO HOW
IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT INSTEAD OF THEIRS !

It also works in 2 lane entrance-exits…
cars will just stop in the road waiting for you
to get out of their way…
(while you are ONLY taking up ONE lane.. the proper one)

___________________

I FELT LIKE SUCH A FOOL…

EVERYBODY loved FRAMPTON COMES ALIVE !
Classic… the albums he’s most known for…

It’s been only a year or 2 since I found out
that my earlier belief… the syntho-guitar-voiced vocals?
were not done with the strings of a guitar…

ala ALVINO REY (and his ’singing’ guitar)
(also, married to, & ‘banging’ one of the KING SISTERS

but instead… with something called… the ‘talkbox’ !!!
A gizmo that transforms the human voice
 into a kind of robo-drone as he sings into it !!!
(like a cancer guy without a voicebox device)

FINDING THIS OUT…
I RESCIND MY FORMER AWE OF HIS NONSENSE…
AND CONSIDER IT ‘HACK’ !!!
(you should have just done it straight)

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MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC
and be sure to
PLAY THE WEEKLY 2-FER…
NAME THAT TUNE QUIZ !!!

formerly…. MYSTERY LYRICS !!!
  dave, the exiled !!!

http://en.davidscott.de/
GO TO THE SOURCE, FOLLOW THE LINK

 WEBMASTER DAVE’S PERSONAL CREATION….
(A GREAT PLACE TO ‘HANG’)

___________________

I’M HOPING ANOTHER ONE
OF MY THEORY’S COMES THRU…

I’ve mentioned this before…
about how ‘money goes out’… ALOT !!!

but there are times (rare ones)
where money just comes your way !!!
NO REASON… AND FROM UN-EXPECTED SOURCES…

AND IT JUST KEEPS COMING…

(I’m just hoping for a ‘big’ score before it stops)

For instance…
some nice lady I helped insisted
that I take a $5 bill from her in thanks…
(normally I wouldnt’, but it would have been insulting not to)

I’ve hit for some very small prizes in the state lottery,
3 times in 2 weeks… (very unusual.. I go years)…

A cell phone rebate?
They sent a $50 debit card… I gave it to my wife…
as I would if they had sent a check…
a week later, she hands it to me (anniv.weekend),
and says.. “it’s got your name on it”
” Why don’t you use it for whatever? ”

and a few more instances
that have remarkably piled up
in a very short amount of time…

I BOUGHT MORE LOTTERY TICKETS
WITH MY WINNINGS…
even tried a WIN-FOR-LIFE scratchy…
(nothing, a lose… I gave it a shot)

I’M HOPING MY MONEY-MAGNETISM
LASTS FOR AT LEAST ONE BIG PRIZE !!!

(I’ll let you know when the money stops)

update…
another lottery win.. 3 of 6 numbers…
4 times in 2 weeks…
C’MON LIGHTNING !!!

______________________

HOLLYWOOD LIKES TO MAKE MONEY !!!
New movies, remakes… seizing the moment…

and now taking advantage of an affliction…

 MICHAEL J. FOX
has just been signed to do a re-make
of the Tom Cruise original…

COCTAIL

___________________

  
  ME? I’VE STOPPED SHAKING…

But, I’m still ‘giddy’ from breaking
the 500 issue barrier with RIP Renfield !!!
(RIPRenfield.com)

SO… A CONTEST !!!

Tell me how wonderful I am
and you may win a RIP t-shirt or tote bag…
(nah, that won’t work… I want winners)

 IF you think my writing sucks…
I’ll just pick 3 names out of a hat
and award them that way…
SO JUST EMAIL …
 RIPRenfield@aol.com  … SUBJECT: RIP CONTEST ENTRY)

 (Uh, 500 issues? it’s once a week, not once a day!)

____________________________

HAVE A GREAT TIME THIS MEMORIAL DAY…

BUT TAKE A MOMENT TO REFLECT
ON THOSE WHO MADE THE SUPREME SACRIFICE…
(most were just kids themselves)

Like I told the vet at the 7-11…

I DIDN’T GO TO VIET NAM…
I WAS A BIG PUSSY !!!

All the more reason to thank those
who put their lives either, on hold,
or on-the-line for us…

_______________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS & ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
TISH (PILLBUG)
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RIP Renfield available on the internet at…
www.RipRenfield.com
and also featured at…
www.MysteryLyrics.info
and make sure to ’surf’ the site…
follow the links and explore… lots of good stuff…
or visit me at…
www.MySpace.com/RIPRenfield

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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