† RIP RENFIELD #453 – IT’S SUMMERTIME ! †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive mis-information about)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Don’t be a stranger…
come visit, we can trade ‘adds’ as friend at…

www.MySpace.com/RIPRenfield

or for email subscriptions, or to contact me…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

***************************

† RIP Renfield #453 – IT’S SUMMERTIME †
June 21st, 2008

———————————

It’s officially… SUMMERTIME !!!
SUM-SUM-SUMMERTIME !!!

Personally, I like the spring and the fall…
but after getting 4 or 5 days of 100 degree weather…
These 80’s almost seem spring-like…
(hard to work up a sweat)

The heat might have even caused me an unforseen problem.
If I didn’t have the problem 10 years ago…
I might have panic-ed…
It couldn’t be root canal problems…
the problem area was already ‘canal-ed’ !!!

I had terrible pain over the weekend,
that I controlled with prescription medicine,
waiting for it to subside…
(and it did… a little at a time)
I had ‘electric tooth’ !!!
Just touch it with your tongue and it was excrutiating !!!

I was getting some slight swelling in my lower jaw,
so my logical mind finally brought me to…
SLEEPING WITH A FAN ON ‘HIGH’
BLOWING IN THAT SIDE’S EAR FOR SEVERAL NIGHTS !!!

On monday, I got hold of my doctor…
who prescribed some anti-biotics…
and withing a day ALL trouble was 98% gone !!!
Seems to me that the pain was caused by swelling,
pushing on nerves causing the tooth pain…
I’m thinking that the swell must be leaving quickly…
(my nose is draining like a faucet)

SO I’M STILL ‘BATTING’ 1000 FOR SELF-DIAGNOSIS

I’m glad it’s left me…
there is nothing so ‘draining’ to your daily life
as extreme tooth pain !!!
It’ll be days before sleep is satisfying,
and the drugs are out of my system…
(plus I think the anti-biotics are putting me to sleep during the day)

FOR THE RIP READER ?

Makes no difference… I usually come thru with an issue…
(healthy or not… as long as I’m at leaset semi-conscious)

______________________

okay… one more thing…

I got a few inquiries last week concerning my sanity,
or, at the very least, MY calender…

and I will now concede…
I SHOULD HAVE DONE THE ‘JUNE BRIDE’ ISSUE
BEFORE DOING THE FATHERS DAY ISSUE…

Dad Day falling on a Sunday
made me think I’d rather be early
than a week behind…

I’ll not do that anytime again soon !!!
(it’ll be at least a year)

BY THE WAY…
The 4th of July Issue will be emailed on the 4th,
and appear on the website on the 6th…
(the calender? it’s feast-or-famine)

_____________________

R.I.P
the GREAT GAZOO is DEAD !!!

A visitor from the future who made a splash on THE FLINTSTONES…
voiced perfectly by also dead human…

Harvey Korman

who was the tall, versatile comedian who won four Emmys
for his outrageous contributions to “The Carol Burnett Show”
and played a conniving politician in “Blazing Saddles.”

A natural second banana, Korman gained attention on
“The Danny Kaye Show,” appearing in skits with the star.
He joined the show in its second season in 1964
and continued until it was canceled in 1967.
That same year he became a cast member
in the first season of “The Carol Burnett Show.”

I remember him in a small role in one of my favorite movies..
THE APRIL FOOLS
BRILLIANT & HILARIOUS PERFORMANCE
(try to catch it)

_________________________

Some opinions were offered about
Michelle Obama
(I consider her a ‘loose-cannon’ myself)

and part of the argument I’ve heard is that
you aren’t electing HER president, but her husband !
So she should get a ‘free ride’ & not enter the equation !

A few elections ago, I would have agreed…
but didn’t the CLINTON’s change all that ?
” WE ARE THE PRESIDENT ” ?

It’s been made a new game
and Michelle is fair game…
THEM’S THE RULES NOW !!!

___________________________

I just found out that MY I.Q.
is 2 points higher than Hillary’s !!!

It kinda deflates me in a way…
but it sure is nice to know how far you can go
with limited intelligence !!!

____________________

I’VE GOT 2 PROBLEMS…

first…
I just found out the the ’scratchy’ lotto ticket game…
WIN FOR LIFE
($1000 a week for life)
CUTS OFF AFTER 20 YEARS !!!

So if you win ‘young’…
you have money in your pocket
and no motivation to get educated or a job…
and then if you haven’t invested wisely…
become a ‘bag’ lady or man !!!

YOU HAVE TO TIME IT RIGHT…
AS SUPPLEMENTAL INCOME, NOT F-U MONEY !!!

MY SECOND PROBLEM ?

WINNING THE GOD-DAMN MONEY IN THE FIRST PLACE !!!

__________________________

A magazine article ‘hints’
that BILL CLINTON
‘MIGHT’ be a ‘womanizer’ ???

His outrage is laugh-able !
Bill, the King of the Word Parsers?
He doesn’t like it when someone else ‘parses’ ?
Nothing was really ’said’, but if you read between the lines…?

WOULDN’T IT BE FUNNY,
if THIS time he is acutally innocent, like the Boy That Cried Wolf ?
and never ‘caught’ for all the OTHER women !

Gina Gershon’s outrage is laugh-able !!!
If he’s the biggest ‘bum’ in her life… AH, SALUTE !!!
(it’s the most press she’d gotten since SHOW GIRLS)

WHAT COULD BILL WANT FROM GINA ?

DUH !!!

The way I heard it…
Statements by Clinton ‘handlers’ were made to the reporter…
‘Handlers’ to keep him out of ‘trouble’ ?
IT’S A HELL OF A WAY TO LIVE !!!

WELL… IF HILLARY GETS ELECTED TO SOMETHING…
Maybe the SECRET SERVICE can ‘leash’ him better THIS time !

The ‘I did not have sex with that woman’ video clips
from Monica Lewinsky days come in handy…
THEY CAN BE RE-USED !

Which also show how much his ‘word’ is worth !!!

I guess we all know who the stand-up comics
and late night tv hosts will be voting for…
THE GOLD MINE OF MATERIAL !!!

_____________________

MYSTERY LYRICS – the Game !!!
to play the game… just register at the link…
(or take advantage of the site’s OTHER gems)

www.MysteryLyrics.info

you will be emailed a clue and a lyric nitely…
you are free to participate or not, as often or as little as you like…
and make whatever comment or contribution you choose…
it’s interesting and alot of fun…
Lyric Festival
TEST YOUR MUSICAL KNOWLEDGE….

_________________________

I’m about to say something not meant
to be insensitive, or worse (racist?..nah.. not me!)

These widespread floods in the mid-west?
They are obviously destructive & devastating !
People are homeless, businesses and crops a total loss…
LIVES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME !!!
The devastation seems to rise to the level of a hurricane !

AND THAT BRINGS ME TO HURRICANE KATRINA !!!
I’m not hearing about FEMA coming to the rescue this time either…
(I’m sure they will be called eventually)
FEMA seems to be a ‘helper’… not the MAIN battle fleet.

The effected area has called on local gov’t & it’s citizens
(even prisoners) to ‘knuckle-down’ and save what they can !
IT SEEMS THAT THE STATES HAD A PLAN !!!
The PLAN must have some effect…
People are being pro-active, not waiting for help from the sky !

There isn’t the ‘whining’ & helplessness
that was all over the media during Hurricane Katrina !

AND I’M THINKING… WITH 20-20 HINDSIGHT…
In the light of day…
THAT THE PEOPLE OF NEW ORLEANS
WERE LET DOWN BY THEIR UNPREPARED LOCAL & STATE GOV’T’s
(and themselves), BY DEPENDING ON SOMEONE ELSE…
AND NOT THE NATIONAL AGENCIES (that took the brunt of blame)
THAT SEEM TO BE CAPABLE OF COORDINATING
WITH EXISTING, LOCAL PREPAREDNESS UNITS !!!

I JUST READ THAT LOUISIANA WAS OUTRAGED
THAT FEMA GAVE AWAY EXCESS, SPOIL-ABLE
TRUCKLOADS OF SUPPLIES TO OTHER STATES…

Turns out they were offered to Louisiana first…
and they said, “NO”… the excess was un-needed…!!!

THEY STILL DON’T HAVE THEIR ACT TOGETHER !!!

________________________

UPDATE

I have been informed that after the USA
analog-to-digital tv signal conversion next february…
that a tv connected to a ‘cable box’ will be unaffected…
but if you have the cable wire ’split’ and a coax cable
going directly into your tv (sans cable box)…
You will only receive channels 2 thru 15 !!!
(don’t that suck… I’d pay a bit to keep it the way it is.. 2 thru 99)

____________________

I was listening to this ’strange’ individual the other day…
and the subject of NOSES came up…

He was wondering if he looked ‘cross-eyed’ ?
He thought that the ‘tip’ of his nose
was in his line of sight (if he took notice) !

and that brought up the subject of BIG noses…
or ‘broad’ noses… or ones that start at your eyebrows…
(very unlike MY ‘button’ nose)

IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEAD POINTING STRAIGHT,
AND LOOK SHARPLY TO YOUR LEFT OR RIGHT,
IS YOUR NOSE IN THE WAY ?
DO YOU CATCH A GLIMPSE OF YOUR OWN NOSE ?

(move over Jimmy Durante)

_________________________

I thought I made this up (for a RIP item)
but according to the URBAN DICTIONARY…

THEY ARE ACTUAL ABBREVIATED TERMS…

Everyone must have heard of MILF by now…
(Mom’s I’d Like to Fuck)

and I thought I could get a laugh from creating
the female equivalent… DILF !!!

BUT IT TURNS OUT TO BE A 90’s GAY TERM…
” Dads I’d Like to Fuck “

BEING A ‘TROOPER’ I WENT ON TO FIND THAT…
DILB also exists…
” Dads I’d Like to Bang ”
Which is the less ‘harsh’ female equivalent of MILF !

HEY… I’M WILLING TO BE EVEN LESS HARSH…
If the young lady wants to lose her self-respect…
I’ll be a ’sub’-DILB
a DAD (she’d) I’d Like to Blow !!!

I really can’t see how either MILF or DILB can be taken
as less-than a compliment in any circumstance !!!
(unless your husband or boyfriend calls someone a DILB or a DILF)

________________________

I heard someone on the radio
relating a ‘dating story’ from when he was a teen…

While at a girlfriend’s home…
he witnesses her father entering the toilet
(planning to spend some time there)
and in his hand, was a very large sandwich !!!

FINDING THAT DISGUSTING…
THE RELATIONSHIP DID NOT LAST !

It reminded me of a story my father had told me
many years ago when I was a kid…
It seems that someone my father knew (from work?)
was proud and bragging about an invention of his…
A LITTLE SHELF HE INSTALLED
NEXT TO THE TOILET
TO HOLD HIS CUP OF COFFEE !!!

My father was incredulous, and still shaking his head,
when he related the story to me !!!

THE TOILET…

IT’S NOT JUST FOR SHITTING !!!

_____________________

sandals
Unless you are on the beach
or in your backyard, or at a bar-b-que…
SHOULD YOU REALLY BE WEARING SANDALS ?

Not the slovenly flip-flop type sandals…
but shoe-types without much of a top…

I REALLY DON’T CARE WHAT A MAN WEARS…
but a woman usually dresses for a minimum of attractiveness…
and, not only are sandals ugly footwear…
most people don’t have the ‘feet’ for them…
MOST FEET ARE PRETTY GRUESOME !!!
Why advertise your ugly feet ?
(I notice the same thing for many open-toed shoes too)

DO YOUR FEET REALLY GET THAT HOT ?
I saw a bunch of office-type women going to lunch…
each of them wearing sandals (with & without height enhancement).
IS THAT REALL APPROPRIATE WEAR FOR AN OFFICE ?

2 reasons for NOT wearing them ‘out’ come to mind…
SANITARY REASONS
&
SAFETY REASONS

It’s disgusting enough that a handbag gets placed on the ground,
and then a desk or an eating surface…
But feet ? Open to all the dirt & germs of the world ?
AND I’VE WORKED JOBS THAT NEED SAFTEY SHOES…
(steel-tipped toes)
I’d say it’s pretty easy to ‘damage’ a foot
as you navigate thru office and street situations…

PLUS THEY ARE UGLY…
Get a nice pair of very white over-sized running shoes…
THEY ALWAYS WORK !!!

I could go on…
The old Steve Martin bit about the ‘cruel shoes’ comes to mind…
The uglier, or more unusual, the shoe…
the more women seem to think they are ‘cute’…

HEY, DON’T BLAME ME
FOR THE 80 PAIRS OF UGLY SHOES YOU OWN !!!

________________________

With all these re-makes lately…
(even of less than superior recent movies)

I can imagine the ‘wheels-turning’
for an updated movie version of
THE BAD NEWS BEARS…

I see it as the ‘old’ bears grown up…
TATUM O’NEAL is now the coach
of the oddball, loser, trouble-maker team…

and that one famous scene?
where the little kids in the dugout
pass out beers and spray each other with them ?

With TATUM… instead of beer…
they can all smoke crack !!!

_______________________

I have some kids in the neighborhood cut my lawn…
(they do a great job… 2 of them have their own little company)

Back in the olden days…. when I was a new homeowner…
I used to do it all… even evening watering…

I noticed the lawn of the house across from me
had some well-defined brown spots from grass burn-out…
I think I know what happened over there…
A long, long time ago…
I once mixed up the spray bottles for ‘weed killer’ & ‘grass killer’…
So instead of ’spot’ weeding…
I was poisoning the ground so nothing would grow there !!!
(like you would on a patio or driveway or next to your foundation)

I was left with more than a few brown ‘circles’ of dead grass !!!
MY FINAL SOLUTION ?
I took a small hand shovel, dug out the areas, as if I were planting,
and replaced the dirt with new potting soil and grass seed.

IT’S GOING TO BE MUCH MORE EXTENSIVE
FOR THE NEIGHBORS !!!
(but they’ll never make THAT mistake again)

—-

A buddy of mine couldn’t figure out why HE
had brown dead grass all along his fence at the property line.
Seems his neighbor had a pool, and installed a brick walk
from the pool to the fence…
and additionally… and VERY liberally used
WEED & GRASS KILLER
to prevent sprouts from between the bricks… HE SUCCEEDED !!!
THE ONLY PROBLEM ?
When it rained, it washed the massive application onto the next property…
and spread further & further with each rainfall !!!

NOW THAT WAS ALOT OF WORK TO REPAIR !!!
and who pays?
It’s a good way to create a problem with the neighbors !

AIN’T PRIMPING YOUR PROPERTY A PAIN-IN-THE-ASS ?

_____________________

MY Father’s Day…

My daughter came to me, card in hand…
(great card by the way… nice personal message)

I had suggested to her months ago…
that if she would like an idea for a gift…
that there was an egyptian sarcophagus collectible…
(a small-ish RIP-sized coffin)…
that I would put off buying for myself… (about $18)

SHE SEEMED TO THINK IT A GOOD IDEA…

So.. I was expecting the gift…
She only had a card for me though…
She said the ‘coffin’ was on the way…
That the first time she tried to order it…
she got all upset & teary-eyed thinking about
having to buy my REAL coffin !!!
(awwwww… good kid!)
And then ordered it later.. but it didn’t get here on time…

By the way…
I have lots of little RIP coffins to put my ashes in…
I’m not putting anyone to the trouble of buying a REAL coffin.

________________________

RIP Renfield GOT ‘JUICE’…
(I got billing OVER the RIP CHORDS)
in my never-ending battle to get major notice for minimal ‘talent’
I share with you my latest cross-polination
with a site and subscriber base that’s really ‘poppin’…

re: YET ANOTHER FORGOTTEN HITS GIVEAWAY!!!:
We’ve got a COUPLE of T-Shirts to give away now in FORGOTTEN HITS!!!
Thanks to FH List Members GARY RENFIELD (RIPRenfield.com)
and MITCH SCHECTER (of THE RIP CHORDS),
we’ll now be giving away a total of THREE T-Shirts
to three of our lucky FH Readers (and Winners!!!) Read on!

CONTEST !!!
Gary from www.RIPRenfield.com has donated
2 – RIP Renfield t-shirts to the Forgotten Hits prize closet !

As Gary says…
” MY WRITING SUCKS, BUY MY MERCHANDISE ROCKS ! “

2 winners will be chosen … (shirt sizes S to XL)
BE THE FIRST ONE ON YOUR BLOCK TO HAVE YOUR SHIRT COME HOME IN A BOX !!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
NOW ALL WE NEED IS A CONTEST !!!
Well, WE’LL provide the contest!!!
If you’re already registered, not to worry …
you’re now eligible to win one of the two R.I.P. RENFIELD T-Shirts.
And, even if you DON’T win a T-Shirt,
you can always BUY a shirt from GARY’s website.
($15.00 each, including postage and handling …
add $2.00 per shirt for sizes larger than XL!!!)
i’m hoping subscriber peter noone wins one … lol
GARY
LOL … well, at THIS point he seems more likely to WIN one
than to DONATE one for us to give away!!!
(Cheapskate!!! Just kidding, PETER … gotta be nice …
I’m still hoping he’ll sign one for me and pose for a picture
with my daughter when we go to see him on the 5th!!! )

ForgottenHits@AOL.COM
(to enter and/or subscribe)

Hey Kent …. Great newsletter this week!
We would like to GiveAway a Rip Chords T- Shirt
to one lucky Forgotten Hits member.
So, let’s do it while the summer is here, and we are all rockin’!
Mitch Schecter/The Rip Chords

Here’s an upclose shot of the T-Shirt for those who don’t win one,
but would like to have one …..
Here’s the Ordering info:
Send Check or Money Order payable to
RFM MUSIC, in the amount of $20.00 for each shirt ordered
which includes shipping and handling to:
RFM MUSIC P.O.Box 61 Southampton,Pa,18966
Mitch Schecter / The Rip Chords

To register for ANY of our FORGOTTEN HITS Give-Aways,
simply drop me an email asking me to add YOUR name
to our Prize Closet Contest! Simple as that.
(Remember, if you’ve already registered, you’re already eligible!)

___________________________

AIR HOCKEY…

I had this great dream…
(just to show you how MY mind works)
I was playing air hockey on a surface only a few feet across…
The opponent was my brother…
my VERY confident brother about to put the final ‘nail’ in my coffin…

OH.. one thing… instead of a disc or ‘puck’
we were playing with rolled up ace (elastic) bandages !

I surprised the hell out of him
by shooting OVER a bandage roll abandoned on the playing field,
into the goal, and winning the game !!!

HOO-RAYYYY !!!
(I’m bad, I’m bad, I’m bad)

__________________________

so that’s the way I want to go out…

A WINNER !!!

(but not before my sarcophagus gets here)

TILL NEXT TIME…

_____________________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

*******************************

OCCASION RIP BANNERS & ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

RIP Renfield available on the internet at…
www.RipRenfield.com
and also featured at…
www.MysteryLyrics.info
and make sure to ’surf’ the site…
follow the links and explore… lots of good stuff…
or visit me at…
www.MySpace.com/RIPRenfield

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

+++++++++++++++++++++