† RIP RENFIELD #450 – GRADUATION? †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger…
come visit, we can trade ‘adds’ as friend at…

www.MySpace.com/RIPRenfield

or for email subscriptions, or to contact me…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield #450 – GRADUATION ? †
May 31st, 2008

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MY YEARLY MESSAGE
TO THE ‘NEW’ GRADUATES
HEADING FOR THE FIRST TIME
INTO THE REAL WORLD…?

” HA HA !!! “

You won’t enter the job market as company president,
and if you’re looking forward to actually enjoying work…
(day after day, year after year… with commitments hanging over you)

I repeat… ” HA HA !!! ”
WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD…
The dream-is-over for 98% of you…
IT’S TIME TO GROW UP !!!
Those ’stars’ you have in your eyes…
are the same ’stars’ everyone at your age had…
(even your dopey parents)

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R.I.P

SEEMS TO BE A BRUTAL WORLD
IF YOU’RE A SCIENTIST…
Looking for a dead scientist.. a famous one…
to RIP Tribute this week…
I came across this site…
LOTS OF HEAD TRAUMAS & UNSOLVED MURDERS…

stevequayle.com/dead_scientists/UpdatedDeadScientists.html

Instead of tributing one of them…
I’m doing an all encompassing RIP tribute to them all…
(very current deaths, not from one hundred years ago)

I would recommend going to the web site…
AND WONDERING ?
How did so many people, in scientific careers…
DIE IN MURDEROUS, OR SUSPICIOUS, WAYS ?

REST in PEACE you guys…
most of you didn’t die that way !!!

(seems kind of conspiratorial)

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THE New Jersey radio station (fm-talk) 101.5 FM…
can be real ball-busters when it comes
to politics & politicians in this state…
(lots of fodder for them)

THEIR REACTION TO JIM McGREEVY’s
UN-EMPLOY-ABILITY PROBLEM ?

They offered him his own radio show…
a PAID position !!! (maybe 6 figures?)

The station can’t lose…
if he took the job, EVERYONE would listen…
if he refuses the job…
they show him up as someone avoiding employment,
and get just as much ‘press’ out of it…

BY THE WAY…
JIM refused the job offer…
He didn’t want to ‘taint’ the radio station !!!
(bon mot, Jimmy)
or have money that could be turned over to FRED GOLDMAN…
er.. I mean his ex-wife !

_____________________

“According to Glamour magazine,
it takes the average woman 11 minutes to get aroused.
The problem is that by the time the average woman is aroused
the guy’s been asleep for nine minutes.”
– Jay Leno

(for the record.. NOT ME !!!… I’d only be asleep for 8 minutes)

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I stopped watching
DANCING WITH THE STARS
on tv after the first season…

I really only watched for one reason…

I’m a fan of over-sized lollipops !!!

KELLY MONACO !!!

BUT… I was out-raged when she was chosen to compete,
and I’m even MORE out-raged that she won …
KRISTI YAMAGUCHI !!!

This is not a person who took a few dance classes.
This is not a person who had an inate talent.
This is a professional, Olympic caliber ICE DANCER !!!

Granted, she had to ‘dance’ without ’skates’…
but the years of dance training for
‘liquid’ movement, arm placement, facial expression,
and physical training for a lifetime…
GIVE HER WAY TOO MUCH OF AN ADVANTAGE
OVER THE USUAL CONTESTANT ON THE SHOW !!!

It would be like a contest for driving a golf ball for distance,
and having non-golfers compete…
but allowing a top professional hockey player
with a blistering slap shot take part…

HE MIGHT JUST ‘TAKE’ TO THE SPORT !!!

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AMERICAN IDOL ?

I know all my readers have been waiting
to hear my analytical opinion of this year’s winner…
but this year, like in past years…
I DIDN’T WATCH THE FRIGGIN’ SHOW !!!

SO I HAVE NO OPINION…
except that I have no interest in the ‘amateur’ hour…

_______________________

a suggestion from Avenge-annie…

INSTEAD OF SETTING ‘HOME’ ON YOUR GPS
AS A LOCATION A FEW DOORS DOWN FROM YOUR HOUSE…
(for safety)

SET IT FOR THE LOCAL POLICE STATION !!!
(give the thieves a thrill)

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I CALL IT EXHILARATING…
the ‘feds’ call it PAYOLA !!!

RIP Renfield was again mentioned
on the RON & FEZ XM Satellite Radio show
(xm channel 202, noon to 3)

and mentioned TWICE !!! (actualy thrice)
as part of a 12 minute ‘bit’
about Producer East Side Dave not being allowed
to see his hero INDIANA JONES’s new movie
becuase of a lost bet months ago !

We ‘communicated’ a deal, whereas,
I would ‘gift’ him an INDIANA JONES Mr. Potato Head doll
(’taters of the lost ark’ motif),
IF he would mention RIP Renfield on the air…
(asked if he was corrupt… he answered.. ‘hell yeah’)

TRUE TO HIS WORD…
During a negotiation to see the movie..
he offered RON the doll RIP Renfield sent him…
It was refuses.. but offered again later…
(with RIP Renfield accredation)
and FEZ piping in with a “RIP-AH” (reaper)

VERY COOL BEING KNOWN TO THE GUYS…
In fact, an emailed show ‘talking point’ of mine
showed up 2 days later in a short bit about
another ’sleep deprived’ producer…

HEY.. I’M GETTING THERE A LITTLE AT A TIME !!!

_______________________

THINGS I NEVER KNEW
till now…

I’ve heard of, and seen, barrage balloons…
(mostly mentioned in war movies or army-navy stores)
but I never knew what there use was till now…

I actually thought they were to fool the enemy
into thinking there was aircraft in the air…

BUT IT TURNS OUT…
A barrage balloon is a large balloon tethered with metal cables,
used to defend against low-level attack by aircraft by
damaging the aircraft on collision with the cables,
or at least making the attacker’s approach more difficult.
Some versions carried small explosive charges that
would be pulled up against the aircraft to ensure its destruction.
Barrage balloons were only regularly employed against low-flying aircraft,
the weight of a longer cable making them impractical for higher altitudes.

HIGH FLYING BOMBERS ENDED THEIR USEFULLNESS,
but they were very effective against dive bombers….
with sometimes thousands in the air…
some stationary, some mobile…
the weight of the cables made it impractical for higher altitudes..
and there were cases of them breaking free
and causing much damage… ie. power lines….

OKAY… ONE MORE…

POTASH

Potash has been used since antiquity in the making of
glass & soap & as a fertilizer. The name comes from English words
pot & ash, referring to the water-soluble fraction of wood ash.

The term has become ambiguous due to the substitution
in fertilizers of cheaper potassium salts, like potassium chloride
or potassium oxide (K2O), to which the same common name
is now sometimes applied. In addition, potassium hydroxide (KOH)
is called caustic potash, an additional source of confusion.
The element potassium derives its English name from potash.

AND AS WE ALL KNOW…
POTASSIUM CAN BE EXPLOSIVE !

lastly…
ONE TEENY-TINY UNKNOWN
(one I feel particularlys stupid for never knowing)

You know how the aluminum foil roll always pops out of the box
when you try to unroll some ?
Seems that for the last 100 years they’ve included
tabs at the ends of the box (clearly labeled),
that can be ‘pushed’ in so as to allow the roll
to unroll without pulling it out of the box !!!
(like the paper towel holder on your kitchen wall)

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WHO IS THIS WOMAN ?

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HER ?

This is the ‘complimentary’ pic…
(the others were much worse)

and on the Letterman show…
Ooh Fah !!!

THIS HAPPENS TO BE THE FORMERLY
EXTREMELY CUTE…

LIV TYER
(that thing you do)

If it’s make-up..
SHE SHOULD EITHER FIRE THE ‘ARTIST’
OR STOP DOING IT HERSELF !!!

(and you can’t go wrong with ’simple’ in a dress)

___________________________

“The weirder you’re going to behave,
the more normal you should look.
It works in reverse, too.
When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose,
I know there is nothing extraordinary about that person.”
- P. J. O’Rourke

__________________________

Some ‘new’ work rules caused some griping…
(new? they change weekly)

But after I started calling the place SHAWSHANK
(after the prison)
I, on the fly (out loud), did a ‘treatment’
that would make a good dream sequence
in an office based sit-com, or stand-alone comedy skit…

To the biggest whiner… I said…
YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THE NEW FAT GUY WHO
” DOESN’T BELONG HERE…”
Whine enough and a couple of the boys from the mail room
are going to come over and work you over…
and then when the office body-builder starts ‘hitting’ on you…
the only way out is to become the boss’s ‘bitch’…
and the near-retiree who ‘keeps’ a live pet bird in his desk…
and the guy tunneling thru the floor under his desk…

IT WRITES ITSELF…

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MYSTERY LYRICS – the Game !!!
to play the game… just register at the link…
(or take advantage of the site’s OTHER gems)

www.MysteryLyrics.info

you will be emailed a clue and a lyric nitely…
you are free to participate or not, as often or as little as you like…
and make whatever comment or contribution you choose…
it’s interesting and alot of fun…
Lyric Festival
TEST YOUR MUSICAL KNOWLEDGE….

and due to his personal relationship with CARO…
GERMAN-INTERNATIONAL ROCK LEGEND !!!
Dave, of Mystery Lyrics, is the webmaster of her fan site…
Still under construction… but getttin’ ‘pretty’…
IT’S WORTH CHECKING OUT…

http://www.caro-fans.com/
(info, audio, & video)

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DID I PREDICT IT OR WHAT ?

LIFELOCK

The monthly pay service that PROTECTS
YOUR identity from theft ?
The guy (owner?) on the tv commercial
even brags about safety by putting his won Social Security number
on the side of a tractor-trailer truck ?

Not only has he had HIS identity stolen…
(multiple times, only once completely successfully)
States are banding together for class action lawsuits
against the Lifelock Company…
because of NOT providing the level of safety THEY advertise,
they charge for things you can do for free…

The ‘insurance’ they offer you?
It’s nothing special, or adequate… it’s VERY limited in fact…
and you are only proctected by ‘reportable’
instances of your identity being stolen…
WHICH LEAVES A LARGE LOOP HOLE !!!

To me, it seemed they were going for the ‘fear’ angle,
which made me suspicous from the start…
Fear is a good way to prey on (especially) older people…

and I guess that now that I’ve mentioned the company again…
their PHISHING operation will have me in their ‘nets’ again…
for a long series of un-solicited spam emails again !!!

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My BIG connection to the BIG TIME…
Kent of FORGOTTEN HITS
was the recipient of some RIP merchandise recently…
(including the surprise 10th year promotional RIP item for the fall)

Kent had the brilliant idea (more for me, than him)…
of adding a couple of RIP Renfield T-shirts
to the FORGOTTEN HITS PRIZE CLOSET !!!
(and permitting me to ‘plug’ un-mercifully)
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME !!!
So if you didn’t get one (or pay for one)…
Here’s your chance to win a RIP T-shirt !!!

YOU SHOULD REALLY CHECK OUT HIS SITE…
(AND ALSO GET ON THE MAILING LIST.. ForgottenHits@aol.com)

You can now read great stories, and add comments… at…
http://forgottenhits60s.blogspot.com/
I suggest bookmarking that link and checking it daily…
AND DON’T BE AFRAID TO ADD YOUR COMMENTS
TO THOSE OF THE FAMOUS & IN-FAMOUS !!!
_______________

Featuring songs & artists that you just don’t hear anymore !
(and special original music series as well)
Sound interesting???

(psst… his ‘famous’ are actually REAL famous people you’ll recognize)

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If you’re a sci-fi fan
and you’re not watching the ‘new’ Doctor Who shows…
You ARE missing out…

There are some very clever plots being used
that are good enough for theatrical release !!!

FOR INSTANCE…
They’ve taken the world-wide popularity
of vehicle GPS Navigation Systems…
and made their extensive use into a ‘weapon’
being used by aliens to selectively kill enemies,
and to ‘poison’ the atmosphere..
to terra-form the earth’s air into something they can breathe !

CLEVER IDEA !!!
GREAT STUFF !!!

(look for the Doctor on BBC America or the Sci-Fi channel)

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HOLIDAY SUNDAY…
I’M AT HOME…

Sewer drain clogged and water is coming into the basement !

NOT AS BAD AS IT COULD BE…

plumber has come and gone..
drain is clear..
but he can’t predict when it’ll go…
said they could use the camera in there
but i’m in an insurance situation
so they’ll probably wait till it fails completely…
which could be years, months, or days…

i just heard about this insurance about 6 months ago
from MY plumber who was pissed at having to do the job…
not a young guy and by himself..
and his equipment weighed a ton..
and had to go up and down stairs with it..

anyway.. digging up the yard and replacing the pipe
costs thousands here.. as much as $8 grand i’ve heard…
and snaking the drain goes about $175…

so after a 30 day waiting period after signing up..
the water company is the one i call 24/7
(AND HOLIDAY WEEKEND)
i’ve been covered since jan 1.. i was sweating it out…
figuring it would collapse before the 30 days…
(it’s not even pipe they’ve told me.. some wrapped up orange near-pipe)
they fail in this neighborhood all the time…
a good half dozen or more a year.. (house near 60 years old)

anyway.. for $80 – they cover your water line
for another $80 – they cover the drain (to the street)
anything in the house, you pay for yourself…

so for an extra $40 quarterly…
the ’snaking’ is paid for..
and i’m covered up to 10 grand to dig it up….

not alot of money these days..
i can’t see being without it…

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THIS CARPAL TUNNEL PROBLEM(?)

I’m having with my left arm may not be such a bad thing…
IT DOES HAVE IT’S ADVANTAGES…

LIKE MASTURBATION…
When your arm goes all tingly…
it’s like someone else (with a big hand) is touching you !!!

____________________

I was thinking the other day…
how many people I would be true-ly happy for
if they won alot of money in the lottery…

but then realized…
I also have a list of those I would hate to see win !
That in THOSE cases…
one of them winning would be worse than me NOT winning !

SO, BASICALLY…
LIKE CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME…
YOU CAN WIN,
YOU CAN LOSE,
AND IT CAN BE HELL !!!

At least I have 2 choices of ‘groups’…
but as long as I’m mingling with the graduates…

ALWAYS REMEMBER…
” I’ll have fries with that order…”

SEE YA…

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS & ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
TISH (PILLBUG)
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RIP Renfield available on the internet at…
www.RipRenfield.com
and also featured at…
www.MysteryLyrics.info
and make sure to ’surf’ the site…
follow the links and explore… lots of good stuff…
or visit me at…
www.MySpace.com/RIPRenfield

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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