†RIP RENFIELD#445 -SPRING Mish-Mosh†

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive mis-information about)

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† RIP Renfield #445 – SPRING Mish-Mosh †
April 26th, 2008

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It’s been an ‘try-ing’ week for me…
I took a few vacation days for a really long weekend…
to hang out & rest…
My wife is in the UK visiting family… that’s not a bother.

My like-family day care person who was a wonderful woman…died.
She was 45, 2 girls, 21 & 15… very sad…
We send flowers and spent a couple of hours
with her parents, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephew…
we knew them all… VERY well !

And not to go into it… but there have been some unexpected bills…
(effin’ cable company… you’ll read more later)
I’ve gone thru a ton of cash.. how? I don’t really know !
I’m too stupid to not get screwed buying a piece of jewelry
for a big anniversary… (that’s tomorrow’s project)

I’ve had to chauffer my visting out-of-state son while his car is repaired.

I make a list of things I need to do…
and the list is NOT getting shorter… just more & more !
(thank goodness I’ve been dreaming ‘funky’…
at least that’s going my way)

AND I’M DOING A LAST-MINUTE RIP ISSUE !!!
Therefore the title… SPRING MISH-MOSH !

I GUESS I’D BETTER ‘MOSH’ AWAY…

_____________________

Legendary Disney animator

Ollie Johnston

The last of the “Nine Old Men”
who animated “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” “Fantasia,”
“Bambi” and other classic Walt Disney films.

Ollie was part of an amazing generation of artists,
ne of the real pioneers, one of the major participants
in the blossoming of animation into the art form we know today.

Walt Disney lightheartedly dubbed his team of crack animators
his “Nine Old Men,” borrowing the phrase from FDR’s description
of the U.S. Supreme Court’s members.
Although most of Disney’s men were in their 20s at the time,
the name stuck with them for the rest of their lives.

_______________________

DON’T THINK YOU’RE THAT OLD ?

Have you found yourself complaining out loud lately
about the prices of just about anything ?
The kids coming up thru-the-ranks don’t know any better…
Their ‘base-level’ is the current level
and doesn’t look like any big deal at all…

Prices will have to rise during THEIR lifetimes
to have the same complaints as you OLD people !!!

YOU SOUND MORE LIKE
YOUR PARENTS (grandparents?) EVERY DAY !

______________________

OKAY.. ONE tiny POLITICAL item…

SINCE THE POLITICS OF:

JOHN McCAIN
HILLARY CLINTON
BARACK OBAMA

are for all intents and MY purposes extremely similar…
(more similar than not)

I think a great move for the country
would be for McCain to select Obama
as his vice-presidential running-mate
(AFTER Hillary ‘aces’ him out)…

PUTTING ASIDE DIFFERENCES,
UNITY & COOPERATION, JOIN RANKS…
PUTTING THE COUNTRY FIRST !!!

THAT ticket could get alot of good done !

(but it could NEVER happen.. party comes before country)

_________________________

Society, my dear, is like salt water,
good to swim in but hard to swallow.
– Arthur Stringer

________________________

We make our friends;
we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbour.
- Gilbert Keith Chesterton

_______________________

My mother (proud of MY seeming genius)
has been after me forever to make an appearance on
WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE, the tv game show.

“YOU CAN ANSWER ALL THOSE QUESTIONS AT HOME,
WHY DON’T YOU GO MAKE SOME MONEY AT IT ? “

and this will come up a few times a year…
most recently last week…
It’s not as easy as she seems to think…
just to get in the ‘hot seat’… you need to be picked to come in…
then compete with 10 others, most of which get no further…

We also got into a ‘discussion’ about DEAL OR NO DEAL…
the tv game show where you eliminate suitcases
so you can end up with a large money amount by chance…
(the odds are deceptive if you do the math)

So when she started on ME…
I went after her…
” WHY DON’T YOU GO ON DEAL OR NO DEAL ?”
All you have to do is pick a suitcase,
you can do that easily… win alot, win a little…
YOU can do it !!!

I THINK I FINALLY GOT THRU TO HER…
SHE’S NOT IN ANY HURRY TO RUSH DOWN THERE EITHER !!!

_____________________

I couldn’t sleep one nite…
and with nothing worthwhile on tv…
I stayed for a Carrie Fisher tribute to mom, Debbie Reynolds
between movies on TURNER CLASSIC MOVIES (TCM).

It was a very loving tribute, a nice valentine ‘card’…
I believe they were estranged at one time…
but all that is more than forgiven in this glowing tribute…

ON ANOTHER NOTE…

As an actress, Carrie Fisher plays ‘the bitch’ really well…
(Sweet Revenge & Garbo Talks come to mind)
TOO WELL… I DON’T THINK SHE’S ACTING !
(you can hear ‘it’ in her normal speaking voice)

The ‘glowing tribute’ to mom was marred
by a classless & tasteless ending…
It ends, goes to credits, fades to black…
then immediately fades back in…
and Carrie ‘voices over’…
“My mom had a terrible crush on Jack Lemmon,
the ONLY good man in her life…”

HUH ? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM ?
Seems to be a slap at her father, Eddie Fisher !!!
The show wasn’t about HIM, the comment was out-of-place !
He may, or may not, have been a son-of-a-bitch to her…
but this was not the time or place !
(make your comments on an Eddie Fisher ‘bumper’)

I THINK THE COMMENT MORE A REFLECTION ON HER,
THAN I DO ON HIM…
One thing for certain… SHE’S HER DAD’S DAUGHTER !!!
(genes will tell)

if movies are your forte….

MYSTERY MOVIE QUOTE WAV’S ARE E-MAILED DAILY….
a Wav & a Clue, is it New ?, a Classic ?, or a Rarity ?…
to get in on the fun (and the mailing list)
email —> TheOneBuff@aol.com
OR USE THE LINK—> Sign Me Up For Buffery
join the BUFFERY, AND GET BUFFER-IZED…
(remember to open your e-mailboxes to game senders.)

____________________________

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE ?

I heard a radio discussion of dead comedian
CHRIS FARLEY
(not my cup-of-tea, but other’s loved his antics)

To paraphrase the description of him that led to his death…
HE WAS AN OUT-OF-CONTROL DRUG ABUSER !!!

Which made me think of the recent HEATH LEDGER death…
Although he had half-a-dozen high powered drugs
in his system at once… and perhaps his apartment was ’sanitized’…

His death is usually described as…
(aww.. look at that face)

A FATAL INTER-ACTION (reaction) TO A COMBINATION
OF PRESCRIBED DRUGS… An ACCIDENTAL overdose !!!

I guess that implies that Chris Farley’s death was NOT an accident…
Since obviously… Heath’s death was an ‘accident’ !

I GUESS FARLEY’S PRESS AGENT DROPPED THE BALL !!!
THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE TO WHAT LED TO THEIR DEATHS !!!

WELL… ONE DIFFERENCE…
One of them was more ‘private’ about his drug abuse !!!

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ANIMALS & LAWSUITS

It just dawned on me (from my tv court shows) that…
only a moron would take on the responsibility
(that’s what it’s called in court)
of ‘babysitting’ someone else’s pet !!!

Pretty much the pet is their ‘baby’…
If by the greatest of accidents, the pet runs away…
YOU are legally & financially responsible for the loss !
If the pet is hurt or injured in your care…
YOU are legally & financially responsible !
If the pet hurts someone else…
YOU are legally & financially responsible !
If the animal bites or scratches a kid or adult…
YOU are legally & financially responsible !
If the animal gets in a fight with someone else’s animal…
YOU can be legally & financially responsible for THEIR damages,
but are free to sue the other pet ‘caretaker’ to recover YOUR damages.
(YOUR damages being those done to the animal in YOUR care)
BUT YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT TO COURT !
If a stray animal ‘damages’ the one in YOUR care
and there is no one to sue…
YOU are legally & financially responsible !

In a serious enough case…
YOU COULD LOSE YOUR SAVINGS & HOUSE !!!

(I’d get a signed statement absolving you from ANY liability)

AND THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME HARD FEELINGS
AND SOME FRIENDSHIPS STRAINED, OR LOST..

WHY EVER BOTHER TO ‘HELP’ OUT ?

___________________________

A SIGNED WAIVER ?

Hopefully it ‘holds-up’ in court…

I just read about some Harry Potter web-o-phile…
Book publishers were after him to write a
everything-harry-potter book.. a sort of encyclopedia…

Even though JK Rowling praised his ’site’ in the past…
He feared copyright infringement lawsuits over a book not hers…
(RIGHTLY SO, IT WOULD COST ALOT TO PROVE OTHERWISE)

After a year, one publisher was insistant !!!
They assured the author that there would be NO legal action…
The author was smart enough to add one little codocil to his deal…

IF ANY LEGAL ACTION WERE TO BE TAKEN AGAINST HIM
OVER THE RIGHTS TO THE MATERIAL…
THE BOOK PUBLISHER WOULD BE RESPONSIBLE
FOR ALL LEGAL BILLS AND PENALTIES !!!

Well… it seems they are headed for court…
it ain’t gonna be pretty…
but at least the author insulated himself from financial loss !!!

(I WONDER WHAT HE MAKES YOU SIGN TO BABY SIT A DOG ?)

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I’M JUST AMAZING…
(no 2 ways about it)

I’m sitting in the BAT-CAVE (RIP Renfield Cave?)
my own hide-away… the room I was given so my wife
wouldn’t have to look at my ‘junk’ (and me ?) …

and like my car… I have EVERYTHING I need in there !!!

My daughter enters the room…
she needs ‘packing tape’…
and like so many other times in her life…
I reach (from where I’m sitting on the floor) to a nearby drawer…
and am able to produce what she needs
without even turning my head in that direction !!!

AND AS I HAND HER THE TAPE, I (mockingly) SAY…

” HOW DOES HE DO THAT ? “

and, as she’s walking away…
I see her head nod, and under-her-breath,
ask that very same question to herself !!!

(that’s 3 times in the last month I easily came through)

_______________________________

OH.. THE BAT-RIP CAVE
has a color scheme of mostly black…
(curtains, pillows, couch)
with very light wood furniture and shelving…

(People love this room… warm in the winter,
ice cold in the summer… 2 tv’s, wireless computer,
a lifetime of amusements & cool stuff I’ve picked up over the years…
if I got a small refrigerator & drilled a hole to the bathroom to pee,
I’D NEVER HAVE TO LEAVE MY LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN !!!)

OH.. AND IN A CLOSE-UP… YOU’D SEE IT HAS A RIP THEME !

HERE’S ONE CORNER…

ALL I NEEDED WAS A FEW MORE PILLOW CASES
(black, of course.. like the long curtains)

AND I FIND OUT…
REGULAR, QUEEN, KING SIZED PILLOW CASES !!!
Who knew they had sizes ?
Of course… the safe way to go was king-sized…
and, of course… that was the only one sold-out
(for the color black anyway)

I GUESS I’LL GO BACK ONE DAY…
(I’m used to it, it’s never easy for me…
and I ain’t travelling the world to get them)

I’LL GO BACK.. BUT NOT FOR MYSELF SO MUCH…
BUT MY ‘FRIENDS’ INSIST
ON KEEPING THE COLOR SCHEME INTACT !!!

I LIKE TO ‘SPICE’ IT UP & KEEP THEM HAPPY…
IT PAYS OFF IN THE LONG RUN !!!

___________________________

MYSTERY LYRICS – the Game !!!
to play the game… just register at the link…
(or take advantage of the site’s OTHER gems)

www.MysteryLyrics.info

you will be emailed a clue and a lyric nitely…
you are free to participate or not, as often or as little as you like…
and make whatever comment or contribution you choose…
it’s interesting and alot of fun…
Lyric Festival
TEST YOUR MUSICAL KNOWLEDGE….

and due to his personal relationship with CARO…
GERMAN-INTERNATIONAL ROCK LEGEND !!!
Dave, of Mystery Lyrics, is the webmaster of her fan site…
Still under construction… but getttin’ ‘pretty’…
IT’S WORTH CHECKING OUT…

http://www.caro-fans.com/
(info, audio, & video)

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MONEY SEEMS TO BE TIGHT EVERYWHERE ?

Not in New York City !!!
At a press conference, Mayor Bloomberg was asked
about the huge cost to the city
for the protection of the pope during his visit ?
(more police than marching in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade)
(and getting paid and getting paid OVERTIME)

The mayor, in his dull-droning, mono-tone voice replied…

” In a budget of $5.5 BILLION dollars,
it should be no proplem to absorb it…”

IF IT’S ABSORB-ABLE ?
THE BUDGET IS EXCESSIVE, LOTS OF ROOM FOR CUTS,
WITH NO CUT TO THE CURRENT LEVEL OF SERVICE !!!
(the local taxpayer should not be responsible)

____________________

The woman commisioner in NYC ?
The one who lambasted the inspectors she over-saw
in a corruption scandal that ended in a crane falling
and killing several people ?
(13 more killed during her ‘watch’)

SHE DECLARED ZERO-TOLERANCE FOR SLACKERS !!!
(my item blamed her as the responsible one)

WELL… she finally got around to ‘resigning’…
Politician Mayor Bloomberg was very critical of her one day,
and praising her ’service’ the next… (geesh)

STATUS, SALARY, STATUS QUO !!!
A ‘plum’ job… salary, status… status quo ?
Yeah… just go along with the way it was always done…
Don’t get too involved…
The only way you have trouble is if the shit hits-the-fan on your watch !
The odds of it happening to you are slim…

So don’t work so hard…
Just hope the next guy gets stuck holding-the-bag !!!

—– —— —–

KINDA REMINDS ME OF FORMER GOV. CHRISTIE WHITMAN…
She gets a ‘plum’ appointment in Washington, DC…
HEAD OF THE EPA (enviromental protection organization)

WHEN ARE THEY EVER CONTROVERSIAL OR IN THE NEWS ?

Well.. a little thing called 9-11 happens and Christie
is the one to falsely assure rescue-workers, clean-up workers,
and residents that the air in the World Trade Center ‘pit’
is safe to breathe and poses no health risk !!!

THAT ONE CAME BACK TO BITE HER IN THE ASS…
(she’s done as far as elected office goes)

She just survived the justice system…
She WON’T be able to be sued by those with medical problems
due to her false claims !!!

_______________________________

ARE YOU A VITAMIN JUNKIE LIKE ME ?

A new Brit study on the effectiveness of the supplement-du-joir
showed that not only were ‘popular’ anti-oxidants
not helpful, or healthy.. but actually detrimental to your health !!!

Studies of large groups taking vitamins A, E, & D supplements
showed an increase in mortality rates !!!
(a very significant percentage of those studied)
The figures came in at 18% with measure-ably SHORTER lives !!!

Other anti-oxidant supplements… like Vitamin C
showed no difference in mortality…
Take them, don’t take them.. no long term good, or bad…

LIKE EVERYTHING…
TAKE SUPPLEMENTS WITH CAUTION…
BUT IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA TO LAY OFF THE A, E, & D !!!

_____________________________

A short time ago…

Ron Bennington of Ron & Fez (XM RADIO)
was dispelling the idea of a ’smell’ (perfume?)
could be THAT debillitating that you would have cause to sue !

The idea presented was the un-realistic expectations of people
that they should live in a world devoid of ANNOYANCE,
and had a legal right to it…

YAWN… YOU’RE ANNOYED ? GET OVER IT…
MAN UP.. DON’T BE A CRY BABY… etc.

On the other side…
Fez was argue-ing that he became physically ill
by smells that he considered NOT pleasant…
Claiming a super-sensitive in his ability to detect odor…

Ron pointed out that if that were true…
Fez would be ‘drawn’ to PLEASANT smells…
and should get great pleasure out of them…
(which was not the case)

RON further went on to argue the ’sensitivity’ issue
was an over-blown genetic ‘fear reaction’ to danger…
one that goes away once safety is realized…

AND ARGUE-ABLE THAT MAKES SENSE…
Since most smells, no matter how DETECT-ABLE at first…
blend into the background and become un-notice-able
from extended exposure….

WHEW… I WENT THRU ALL THAT…
TO GET TO THIS…

About a week later, some company that markets
room deodorizers (giving off pleasant odors)…
had a commercial on television that ‘argued’…

WHY HAVE A DEVICE TO ‘SCENT’ YOUR ROOM
WHEN YOU BECOME IMMUNE TO THE PLEASANTNESS
OF THE ODOR AFTER A SHORT PERIOD…

THEIR SOLUTION ?
A device with 3 different scent ‘barrels’…
that automaticaly switch from one to the next every 45 minutes…
Therefore, making you ALWAYS aware of scent…

I THINK THEY STOLE RON’S MUSINGS
AND CREATED A DEVICE AROUND THEM !!!

KUDOS, MR. BENNINGTON
(but no ’slice’ of the profits)

___________________________

RIP ‘SHRINKS’ TO NEW LOWS !!!

from my son Chris at engineering doctor school…
Here’s a photo of the device I designed.
Your names are 40 microns high.
To get an idea of the size, the average human hair WIDTH is 80 microns.

(cropped to just show the family names)

MORE PHOTOS TO FOLLOW…

This nano-technology stuff is da-bomb !!!

________________________

not as close as a nano…

BUT FOR A CLOSE SHAVE..?

I’ve always theorized that the best time to buy a ‘new’ razor
is when a NEW product is introduced…
they go overboard and make the razor exceptional
so that you stick with the product
as they gradually lessen the quality and the great shave…
to ’soften’ you up for the next ‘new’ razor…

I loved the Gillette FUSION razor & blades…
I’m using one to death… (blade good for months)
The next one I tried (I got a sample) was the
SCHICK QUATRO (even more blades) !!!

But the QUATRO sucked from day 1…
I’m thinking it affected the bottom line
because a year later a new SCHICK razor (even the disposable)
ALSO KNOWN AS THE ‘QUATRO’,
gave me the best shave I’ve had in a long time !!!

I’m thinking SCHICK is putting on the big-push
to get back the market they ‘pushed-away’ with a bad product !
(QUATRO & QUATRO PLATINUM)

Perhaps ‘cleanse’ their name ?

____________________________

CATS…
(not the Broadway show)

Okay.. we got cats… 4, maybe 5, I don’t keep track…
I get up in the morning and fill their bowls…
Yes.. bowls.. 3 bowls…
but for some reason… they will ONLY eat out of the middle one…
Forced to by hunger and me not home.. they will dip into the other 2.

One in particular, won’t go to eat out of a full bowl
unless the cat comes to get me (as if to fill an empty bowl),
and I walk over to the bowls with her…

They still won’t use the ‘pet doors’ we have…
(they are transparent and held open they will get used)
They come to get me to open the door,
like a woman standing at the curb..
waiting for her date to open the car door…

IF I’M NOT THERE…
THEY WILL USE THE G-DAMN PET DOOR…
ESPECIALLY TO GET BACK IN WHEN IT SUITS THEM…

I don’t know how it happened…
but the cats have proved themselves un-train-able…
but they sure did a ‘job’ on me…

THEY TRAINED ME JUST FINE !!!

I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A PROFESSIONAL TRAINER…
Her experience is with horses, not cats…
BUT I’M WILLING TO TAKE A CHANCE ON HER…

SHE MAKES A GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION !!!

_________________________________

OH.. ONE MORE CAT ‘TRICK’…

Next to those 3 cat bowls…
is a utility bucket (several gallons big) filled with cat food…
There is NO lid… I fill their dishes by scooping out if it with a cup…
Any of the cats can look into the bucket
by leaning on the rim with their front paws…

THEY ACT AS IF THE BUCKET HAS NO FOOD IN IT !!!
Their bowls could be empty….
they could be starving…
BUT THEY WILL NOT EAT OUT OF THE BUCKET !!!
They will wait patiently until I fill those damn bowls…
and then ONLY eat out of the middle one !!!

FRIGGIN’ CATS !!!
I feel like Hitchhiker’s Guide where the mice in the mazes
are the ones running the experiment
on the human’s with the clip boards !

____________________________

HOUSEHOLD HINT…
It didn’t come to me too easy,
this might help someone else out…

The shower rod that holds up the shower curtain in our bath
is held in place by ‘un-screwing’ the rod to extend a spring,
therefore holding up the weight of the shower curtain
by squeezing the ’springy’ rod between the 2 opposing walls…

A VERY FORENSIC EXPLANATION…
But the friggin’ thing slid and fell regularly…
TIME TO GET A NEW ROD ?
The new one was a problem too… the end caps were just too ‘hard’…
as were ALL of the different rods !
they didn’t have enough ‘grab’ to ‘hold’ the wall !
I was trying several things before epoxying it to the walls…
and was given the answer…
Go to the hardware section of the store with chair & table accessories…
There you will find various sizes of little end-caps
used to prevent your furniture from scratching your floors…
select the softer, more rubbery ones…

FIND THE MOST SUIT-ABLE SIZE…
ATTACH THEM TO THE ROD…
AND NO MORE FALLING SHOWER CURTAIN ROD !!!

_________________________

cravings ?

I have been SO in the mood for a pecan pie…
but they seem to be ’seasonal’ around here…
(thanksgiving & christmas specialty items)

You can’t even find the cheap convenience store ‘tarts’…

I looked online and I don’t mind paying $20+ for a pie,
but after you add the shipping ($8-9)
I SORTA LOSE MY TASTE FOR ONE !!!

I’m imagining a warm (not quite hot) pecan pie…
with a scoop of melting vanilla ice cream on top…

AND THE BOTTOM CRUST ?
A soft, thick graham cracker with bits of nut in it…

Ohhhhhhhhhhh !!!
(or whatever sound Homer Simpson makes when he drools)

I put in a request at a bake sale coming up at a daycare…
but it doesn’t look good !!!

IS IT THANKSGIVING YET ?

update…
I frequent a local deli.. one that has a great carrot cake,
but a not so impressive chocolate layer cake…
I had the idea to see if I could order a whole pie from his baker supplier.
The deli owner wasn’t sure if they were available and called to ask…
Yes ! Available !!!
A 9 inch pie for $18 … (eh.. okay for a one shot craving)
The person on the phone must think the deli guy mis-heard…
because the next thing I hear is…
” I know how much you said… that price was for the customer ! ”
and to me said…
” Hey.. how much can I be making on a single pie ? ”

NOT A PROBLEM… NOT LIKE I’M BUYING ONE A WEEK !!!
(or am I ?)

addendum…
the (large) pie arrived, the pie was eaten, the pie was delicious…
EXTRA delicious !!! WORTH EVERY PENNY !!!

double addendum…
since I bragged about my pecan pie…
everyone I run into seems to know where to get one.. cheap !
I went to one place, Perkins Pancake House (has a bakery)…
I was told they are out of season… (I knew that)
I got a cherry pie for $10.99 and it’s fine…
but smaller and more ordinary than the $18 pie I bought.
I’m happy now that I know I got my money’s worth from the $18 one !

____________________________

I’VE MISHED & I’VE MOSHED…
AND NOW I’M DONE FOR THIS WEEK…

HEY IF YOU’RE A REGULAR READER,
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ?

THEY AIN’T ALL GEMS OF
INTER-LOCKING PUZZLE-THOUGHTS !!!

I’LL TRY TO GET ‘THEME-ATIC’ AGAIN
FOR NEXT WEEK…

SO LONG, FAREWELL, Auf Wiedersehen, ADIEU….
(to you, and you, and you & you & you-hoo)

_____________________________

COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS & ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
TISH (PILLBUG)
——————————

RIP Renfield available on the internet at…
www.RipRenfield.com
and also featured at…
www.MysteryLyrics.info
and make sure to ’surf’ the site…
follow the links and explore… lots of good stuff…
or visit me at…
www.MySpace.com/RIPRenfield

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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