† RIP RENFIELD #443 – TAX THIS †

***I PERSONALLY VOUCH FOR THE INTEGRITY, ACCURACY,
AND HONESTY OF ALL ITEMS IN RIP***

(except for the stuff I make up, lie about,
or receive mis-information about)

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Don’t be a stranger…
come visit, we can trade ‘adds’ as friend at…

www.MySpace.com/RIPRenfield

or for email subscriptions, or to contact me…
RIPRenfield@aol.com

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† RIP Renfield #443 – TAX THIS †
April 12th, 2008

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As the final day for submitting your tax returns approach…
I’D LIKE TO SAY…. MINE IS FINALLY DONE !!!
I get to pay a little (AGAIN)… but it’s not as bad as I expected…
A RETURN ? MONEY BACK ? WHAT’S THAT ?

I had a busy week… okay I watched too much tv
and my RIP inspriration hit way late…
but somehow I always seem to get it done…

I MIGHT EVEN BE INTERESTING THIS WEEK !!!

But if I’m not…
I’m planning something a bit different for me for next week…
it’s going to be MY ‘Celebrity Friends’ issue…
alot of reminiscing… some cool pic’s…

(and alot less pressure on me to fill 20 printed pages of material)

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THIS IS SAD…
(that’s what money troubles will do to ya)

The wise-cracking Chinese man-servant,
in the 1950’s tv hit… BACHELOR FATHER,
(they should really re-play them)
DIED BY HIS OWN HAND FAIRLY YOUNG (63)
Sammee WAS the show… he was hysterical !

AND SINCE NO ONE ELSE IS SINGING HIS PRAISES,
I WILL FOR THIS WEEK’S RIP TRIBUTE…

(THAT’S HIM ON THE LEFT)

A close friend of Mickey Rooney,
Tong was Rooney’s co-star on the TV series “Mickey”
at the time of his death. A heavy gambler, and deeply in debt because of it,
Tong had no way of repaying his debts once “Mickey” was cancelled
midway through the 1964-65 TV season,
& committed suicide by drug overdose rather than face the consequences.

_____________________________

I have such a ‘nothing’ life sometimes…
I was listless… non-inspired… and then…
I got an email back from a RON & FEZ staffer…
(XM Satellite Radio – channel 202 – noon to 3pm, est)
needing my home address instead of my post office box…
AND I WAS WALKING ON AIR…
(it don’t take much sometimes)

I took away with me the ‘knowledge’ that
I am a ‘known’ (& remembered) ‘quantity’ to the show…
(the contact ‘felt’ very casual)

It was too bad that I wasted so much time this week
watching the VERY long CASINO ROYALE a few times…
that in itself put me behind in my normal RIP routine…

AND I WAS AT A CREATIVE LOGJAM !!!

The ‘Pitzy’ email pumped me up…
and got me to creatin’ BIG time…
got to bed late.. exhausted all the next day… wasting even more time…
and I have no idea how I’ll get RIP out on time in 24 hours !!!

I have alot of stuff ready…
but it’s looking more like a jig-saw puzzle than a finished product !!!
(probably because I’m spending too much time
on the NEXT issue…. MY celebrity friends issue !!!

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THAT IN INCIDENT IN FLORIDA…? AMAZING…
Three (now 6 & 2 boys) teen girls stupid enough to video-tape
the beating they gave to an unsuspecting ‘enemy’ girl
they lured to one of their houses…

The punching & bitch-slapping went on for over half-an-hour…
The clip shown on the news supposedly came from
after she was awakened from being knocked unconscious…

I GUESS THEY WERE SHOOTING FOR YOUTUBE FAME !!!

I guess they didn’t realize they could be prosecuted as adults…
(they joked in the police car about missing ONE cheerleading practice)
The three girls have been sitting in jail for a week…

AND ONE MOTHER IS DEFENDING HER DAUGHTER…
The daughter was there, it was her house…
but she just watched…. geez !!!

AND HOW IT CAME TO PASS ?
The shit-head little bitches probably lured the victim
to the house to hang out with the ‘cool’ kids…
(like Kellie Martin in the DEATH OF A CHEERLEADER MOVIE)
(only in THAT one.. the shit-heads payed the price)

IT’S ONE THING TO COMMIT A CRIME…
IT’S ANOTHER TO PROVIDE YOUR OWN
IRREFUTE-ABLE EVIDENCE TO PROVE YOUR GUILT !!!

Some young ‘ladies’ are going to be made examples of !!!

GOOD !!! THROW AWAY THE KEY !!!

You don’t like somebody ?
Avoid them.. don’t torture them… that’s why people get shot !!!

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NOT ONLY ARE THERE IDIOT GOVERNORS… (like in NJ)
but Boston has an idiot MAYOR !!!

He recently came down HARD on violent video games !
HE WANTS THEM BANNED or RESTRICTED !!!

IS THAT A SOFT TARGET or WHAT ?
(How about alcohol ?)

One of his arguments is that 7 & 8 year olds
see and play the games and think it’s a ‘normal’ way of life !!!

Uh… where is an 8 year old going to get $80 for a video game ?
and how is he going to get to the store ?

Instead of getting press for a ridiculously obvious cause…

Can’t he see that the only way these kids get their hands on the games
is if the parents are stupid enough to get the kids
toys & games that aren’t age appropriate !!!

AND I THINK YOU HAVE TO GIVE OLDER KIDS CREDIT
FOR KNOWING WHAT IS REAL & WHAT IS MAKE-BELIEVE !!!
(except, of course, for the very occasional ‘nut’ case)
(but those rare ‘nut’ cases are in every facet of life)

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HAVE YOU NOTICED ?

In the olden days… when kids played with toy guns….
there wasn’t as many ‘wacky’ shootings
from toddlers to ‘barely’ adult ?

It’s like the guns were any other toy…
they were used, discarded…
and there was no fascination with them…
THEY WERE DE-MYSTIFIED !!!

I had that argument with my wife when my son
was a young kid hanging with other kids on the block…
She insisted NO GUNS… I dis-agreed…
I didn’t want him using broom sticks and making believe..
or using or ’stealing’ toy guns from other kids
and it being the ‘forbidden fruit’ to him and wanting them even more…

My own kids got to adulthood and guns
have NEVER been a part of their lives…
SO I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT !!!

________________________

REMEMBER ME QUESTIONING
THE NEED FOR THE SERVICES
OF A COMPANY CALLED…
LIFELOCK ?

They supposedly protect you from identity theft ?

I feel that if someone uses your name
to make a purchase.. and it’s fraudulent…
IT’S THE STORE’S & BANK’S PROBLEM, NOT YOURS…

WELL…
It might be the tip-of-the-iceberg
but our local newspaper had a big story
about LIFELOCK being sued for fraud !!!

That the level of protection they advertise (on tv too),
is claimed to not be the level of protection they provide…

If enough people ’sign-up’…
they really don’t have to do ANYTHING…
Just pay-off the claims of those rare instances
of identity theft for paying customers !!!

(not sure of this.. I thought it would probably cost say.. $49 per year,
someone told me it’s closer to $89 a MONTH !!! – that can’t be)

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NOT THAT THIS STORY WOULD BE MORE ACCEPTABLE,
BUT I COULD SEE, SAY.. MIAMI…
BUT OREGON ?

It seems that many hispanic people are being
recruited to be firefighters in Oregon…
This in itself is not a bad thing…
(it implies ALL qualified english speakers are gainfully employed)
but many of the hispanics they hire
have NO mastery of the english language…
For all intents and purposes.. they DON’T speak english at all !!!

Communication between firefighters can be a matter of life-&-death…
so the solution to the problem ?
DEMOTE supervisors if THEY can’t speak spanish !!!
(REALLY.. THIS IS A LEGIT STORY)

The ‘pressure’ & the way to advancement is for…
the ENGLISH speakers to learn SPANISH…
not for the SPANISH working in the USA to learn ENGLISH !!!

THIS IS ABSOLUTE CRAZY-NESS !!!

(the Tower-of-Babel & the FALL of ROME come to mind)

Perhaps if they made knowing ENGLISH a requirement of the job,
there would be NO discrimination against mono-lingual americans !
IS THE UN-EMPLOYMENT RATE THAT LOW IN OREGON ?

I would think communication with victims at the scene
would be important too !
“my baby is in the back room off the kitchen”

” QUE ? “

And it’s not just spanish…
in a ‘public safety’ job in China,
I don’t think another language would do !
or Mexico bending over backwards for english speakers !

This is the worst case of discrimination I’ve seen in a long while…
DON’T ENGLISH SPEAKING SUPERVISORS HAVE RIGHTS ?

WHERE IS THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ON THIS ONE ?

The ACLU should be all over this one…
Oh wait… their agenda probably doesn’t include this kind of ‘fairness’ !

QUE LASTIMA !!!

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NOT THAT SPEAKING ENGLISH
MAKES YOU A ROCKET SCIENTIST…

They have no idea what they are doing at…
MONTCLAIR STATE COLLEGE (in NJ)…

Once a classy, yuppy haven…
MY experience
(thru my daughter, who we removed from the school)
rates them as very lowly these days…
I’ve written about their idiocy way back when…
and have referred to the school as CLOWN COLLEGE !!!

I’m not listing OUR experiences with the wacky staff…
but the school was on the news again…
SOME STUDENT WROTE SOMETHING ON A DESK
THAT MADE THEM PANIC !!!
(sounds like 3rd grade stuff to me)

Because of the ‘graffiti’ the school went on ’security’ alert !
My problem ? The steps they implemented were ones
you would think would be in place 24 / 7 year round !!!

I’ve always thought of it as a cover-your-ass place,
not a caring, learning institution !

AND… it sounds like the preppy crowd from yesteryear
has been ‘pushed-out’ by the local ‘thug’ element
masquerading as students… or perhaps malicious ‘visitors’…

Okay.. just ONE of our experiences…
because of a bomb threat… a parking deck was locked-down…
BUT THEY LOCKED IT DOWN WITH STUDENTS INSIDE
THE DECK WHERE THE BOMB MIGHT HAVE BEEN
AND WOULDN’T LET THEM OUT FOR OVER 2 HOURS !

It was winter… stay by the gate.. don’t go to warm in your cars..
Us police will wait across the street, with you locked inside…
instead of letting you out .. one-by-one and searching you !

Sounds like the perfect higher education
for those Florida high school girls that beat one girl
and video-taped it for youtube…!

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CASINO ROYALE

I have been so disenchanted with the James Bond movies,
that I had not seen the newest incarnation of Bond…
till it recently appeared on cable television…

Bond was goofy… for decades !!!
(bad puns flying)

NOW.. BOND IS BACK
AND BOND IS BAD !!!

DANIEL CRAIG

Bond isn’t the finished product…
He’s the ‘early’ Bond learning his ‘trade’…
Most notice-able to me by his lack of mastering…
THE 5 FINGERS OF DEATH !!!
(seems he has to beat them for a long while before killing them)
(much like the lenght of time the Florida girls took)

Chases of course.. and predictability at times…
but I found myself having to give the movie my FULL attention
(no time for online interludes)
and found more than a few scenes exciting…
the Bond girl was no slouch… EVA GREEN

(starts off respectable… but ’shines up’ nice)

THE MOVIE’S A BIT LONG…
BUT THERE ISN’T ANYTHING TO CUT …
They need the time to re-define the character…
Re-define his as a serious character… not a ‘cartoon’…

I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT !!!

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if movies are your forte….

MYSTERY MOVIE QUOTE WAV’S ARE E-MAILED DAILY….
a Wav & a Clue, is it New ?, a Classic ?, or a Rarity ?…
to get in on the fun (and the mailing list)
email —> TheOneBuff@aol.com
OR USE THE LINK—> Sign Me Up For Buffery
join the BUFFERY, AND GET BUFFER-IZED…
(remember to open your e-mailboxes to game senders.)

________________________________

Every once in a while…
an ‘entertaining’ case comes up
on one of those tv court shows…

I LOVED THIS ONE…

This guy borrows $3600 from a woman he dated at one time.
He signs a ‘note’ for the loan…
He pays back $1300 before stopping payment…

One commercial ‘bumper’ had him claiming…
“SHE SHOULD HAVE NEVER LENT ME THE MONEY,
SHE KNEW I WAS NO GOOD FOR IT…”

but the more interesting defense…
(and he was trying to quote chapter & verse of California law)
HE SIGNED THE LOAN PAPER UNDER ‘DURESS’ !!!

The woman didn’t put him under duress…
but some other part of his life did… (he had a gambling problem)

SO, IN HIS WORLD, THE CONTRACT IS NULL & VOID !!!
(probably his electric bill and rent should ‘covered’ too)

VERY AMUSING… AND HE STILL FELT HE WAS RIGHT !!!

The judge should have suggested that since it wasn’t the woman
who was HIS problem, he should sue whom-ever
was putting the ’squeeze’ on him that made him desperate !!!

__________________________

I WAS ALL SET THE OTHER NIGHT…
and shocked (and a bit tittilated) !!!
The TV commercial promised something
that sounded obviously pornographic…

A show called…

INSIDE HER !!!

I guess I should listen closer…
the commercial was for a show called INSIDER !!!

________________________

Whoa.. some kinda coincidence today…

I’m sitting in my car… illegally parked at the curb of a strip mall…
with my mp3 player on in my ears…
I just cashed in some winning lottery tickets…($7)
I got a couple more with the winnings… and won another $6 !
I was thinking should I go back in for 2 more ..WIN FOR LIFE tickets..
or get them at the Quick Check later in the day….
I was leaning to later in the day….

When in my ears i hearShaina Noll singing…
“WHO WILL SING ME LULLABYES”
and just as she sings the words …”sing me”

I happen to look up …and the car parked directly in line
to where I was parked had a NJ license plate that read… SING ME !!!
(we have quite a few vehicles in NJ)

The plate itself is unique…
the ‘placement’ ? nearly impossible odds…
The timing was absolutely perfect…
I thought i was on to something… a sign from ‘above’…
and KNEW I should buy the additional tickets later…
So I did… I LOST !!! (oh well)

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MYSTERY LYRICS – the Game !!!
to play the game… just register at the link…
(or take advantage of the site’s OTHER gems)

www.MysteryLyrics.info

you will be emailed a clue and a lyric nitely…
you are free to participate or not, as often or as little as you like…
and make whatever comment or contribution you choose…
it’s interesting and alot of fun…
Lyric Festival
TEST YOUR MUSICAL KNOWLEDGE….

and due to his personal relationship with CARO…
GERMAN-INTERNATIONAL ROCK LEGEND !!!
Dave, of Mystery Lyrics, is the webmaster of her fan site…
Still under construction… but getttin’ ‘pretty’…
IT’S WORTH CHECKING OUT…

http://www.caro-fans.com/
(info, audio, & video)

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VERY SENSIBLE REASONING…
(Hey… is he talking about me?)

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself
and then says them about other people.
– Peter McArthur

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I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MOST UN-TRUSTWORTHY
PEOPLE YOU COULD ‘LEAVE’ YOUR CHILDREN WITH…
AND NOT JUST THE VERY YOUNG ONES…
(not that ALL are bad, but ones you could have suspicions of)

(courtesty of – http://dontgetthewrongidea.blogspot.com/)

TEACHERS
EMPLOYERS
COACHES
SCOUT LEADERS
POLICE
CLERGY
RELATIVES

but the occupation that seems to draw
EVEN more sex-addicted users or abusers, or closet types,
than even the priesthood, HAS to be POLITICIANS !!!

I’m supposing the actual responsibilities
of their ‘jobs’ takes so little of their time,
they have plenty of time on-their-hands
to get involved in nonsense… lots of party time !
(and more opportunity in a ‘trusted’, leadership position)…

Maybe they have rock-star attitude ?
Since they give up SO much to serve (yeah, right),
They are ENTITLED to a few perks…
PERKS like the ‘candy story’ that INCLUDE their junior staff,
who can serve on-their-knees, so as to come along
for the entire ride of an ambitious politician !!!

(you have to laugh at those on Gov. Spitzer’s coat-tails)
(sometimes it bites you in-the-ass)

(sometimes you ‘carry-the-bag’ & share a prison cell)

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THIS GASOLINE (petrol) PRICING IS GETTING CRAZY !!!

I used to put in $20 worth of gas once a month…
NOW ?
I have to stop once every 3 weeks !!!

IT DOESN’T HURT AS MUCH WHEN YOU LIVE
A MILE-AND-A-HALF FROM WHERE YOU WORK !!!

_________________________

I ‘jokingly’ said…
(within earshot of a middle-aged woman I work with)

” GIRLS ARE SO NICE WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG ! “

She turned in my direction and (jokingly) said…
” FUCK YOU !!! “

At which point, I turned back to my audience,
and said…

” SEE WHAT I MEAN ? ”
” She just helped to prove the point !!! “

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I SAW ANOTHER ONE…

Male adult, 40-ish, functional, employed…
but very close to having had to ride the ’short-yellow-bus’
for his ‘Gump-ish’ trip through life…

BUT, MAN COULD HE HANDLE A CIGARETTE…
He must have made a study of
Maurice Chevalier & James Bond…

Looks like a dork, but has all the ‘cool’ mannerisms
of a world-class sophisticate !!!

(I had a good laugh)

I’M NOT A SMOKER…
but women smokers are especially ‘distasteful’ to me…
not that male smoking is any more acceptable to me…
but I’ve never been in the position
where I wanted to ’share spit’ with a man !!!

WITH SOME, THE CIGARETTE MAKES NO DIFFERENCE…

SO LIGHT UP !!!

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THESE WEATHER PROGNOSTICATORS
SHOULD GET A PENALTY
WHEN THEY ‘MISS-BY-A-MILE’ !!!

And it’s not just me…
Today was supposed to be sunny, CLOUDLESS, and 50-ish…
The satellite view on the news showed clear for hundreds of miles…
It turned out to be cloudy all day.. and the air nearly icy !!!

BUT DON’T JUST WORRY ABOUT ME…
The local Little League opening day, and parade,
were cancelled last saturday because of a rainy weather prediction…

IT WAS
WARM & SUNNY…

THE BASTARDS !!!

_________________

THE YELLOW RAIN JACKET COMES OFF…
and I get a surprise…

I’M SO CHOKED UP BY THE FOLLOWING ENDORSEMENT…
I HAVE TO END THIS ISSUE
AND GIVE SOMEBODY A GREAT BIG HUG !!!

(SHIRT (and bra) OPTIONAL OF COURSE)

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Well.. enjoy this issue…

and if you DO have tax troubles…
try to get assigned to a prison that has ‘internet’…

I HATE TO LOSE A READER !!!

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COMMENTS ABOUT R.I.P. RENFIELD???

opposing opinions are welcome,
but since i’m the only employee of RIP,
you’re wasting your time…

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OCCASION RIP BANNERS & ‘SPECIAL’ GRAPHICS PROJECTS
by staff artist
TISH (PILLBUG)
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RIP Renfield available on the internet at…
www.RipRenfield.com
and also featured at…
www.MysteryLyrics.info
and make sure to ’surf’ the site…
follow the links and explore… lots of good stuff…
or visit me at…
www.MySpace.com/RIPRenfield

>>>>>TELL YOUR FRIENDS<<<<<

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